pollarbear

family guy quotes

Vote

answervotes
You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert. - Peter Griffin0
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass. - Peter Griffin0
Mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mummy Lois........ Hi- Stewie0
Giggity giggity giggity - Quagmire0
Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. - Glen Quagmire0
Because you touch yourself at night - Museum tour guide to a child Peter Griffin after asking why the dinosaurs died0
The life of the wife is ended by the knife. - Stewie Griffin0
I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about. - Peter Griffin0
So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? - Stewie Griffin (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house)0
Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. - Stewie Griffin0
Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl. - Peter0
Buttscratcher! Buttscrather! Buttscratcher! - Peter Griffin0
Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it. - Stewie Griffin0
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. - Peter Griffin0
Oh, Brian, I can't wait 'til after dinner, 'cause then we'll go home and you can watch me have my period. - Stewie Griffin0
Yes, we're gonna douche the night away. - Stewie Griffin0
Alright everyone but Chris keep your pants on and lets figure this out. - Herbert the Pervert0
All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. - Peter Griffin0
No Quagmire, we're not esupposed to! - Peter0
Her fists are so dangerous she's not allowed to be a lesbian. - Brian Griffin0
Lois men aren't fat only fat women are fat- Peter0
I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her.... Whew! who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk... - Stewie Griffin0
NONONONONONO! - Cleveland0
Hey guys, wanna go play some base-(voice drops) ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate - When Peter goes through puberty0
I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything. - Brian0
Peter: 'OMG, Brain there's a message in my Alphabits, it says Ooooooooo', Brian : Peter, those are Cherios0
Dammit! I'm missing Boy Meets World for this? - Herbert the Pervert0
Oh I was not aware that you can see the future Lois, can I go ahead and get tomorrow's lottery number. - Peter Griffin0
Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you. - Stewie Griffin0
I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through. - Quagmire0
I have spoken!!! - Peter Griffin0
The government is here! Run, E.T.! Run! - Chris0
What the deuce? - Stewie Griffin0
I'm going to turn you into poo! - Chris0
A degenerate, am I? Well, you are a festisio! See? I can make up words too, sister. - Peter to rehab counselor0
I can't eat this it'll go straight to my vagina. That what girls worrie about right? Having big vaginas?- Stewie0
Oh God, It's everywhere.... It's even in my racoon wounds! - Peter Griffin0
That was 'Me Farting by Chopin?' (Stewie after accidentally farting while playing the French horn)0
PFFFF.... ahhhhhhh PFFF..... ahhhh PFFF.... ahhhh PFFFFF... ahhhh - Peter/Lois while falling and hurting knee/breast0
Is this about Meg's cervical cancer? - Peter Griffin0
Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore. - Peter Griffin0
You can't be ugly and play hard to get, it doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want! - Peter Griffin0
Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Howard Stern's penis! - Peter Griffin0
Hello there, Kyle. You like nice today. I see you're wearing your big shorts with the baggy leg holes that flutter so carelessly in the breeze. Would like to come in for a glass of wine and a cupcake? - Herbert0
Been working on that novel huh? Been working on that for three years now right? Gonna, gonna get that done? You know that novel, that novel you where making where friends become enemies and enemies become friends. You gonna get that done right? -Stewie0
Shut up, Meg - Peter Griffin0
Cut my milk! - Stewie Griffin0
Those freakin elves man, they came outta the trees, they just came outta the trees man - Snap to Pop and Crackle after they got jumped by the Keebler gang0
Hey there, you like popscicles? I got a whole cellar full of popscicles. - Herbert the Pervert0
Nothing says Obey Me like a bloody head on a fence post! - Stewie Griffin0

My Votes

You haven't voted on this poll